Today’s challenge is for me to write about something I think “what if” about. But honestly, this is relevant to my entire life. At every turn of every day I think “what if”.
In my opinion, I believe that there is a reason for everything and everything is a strategic plan that was laid out for us well before we took our first breath. I believe that bad things happen to strengthen and teach us, and it is up to us on how we use those lessons. I believe in all things and actions on this earth we are meant to help each other understand whatever the situation may be at the time. I believe taking a bad situation no matter how small or how large, and turning it into a lesson to help clarify something for someone else, this changes the world, for the better, in just the slightest way. Our mission on this earth is bigger than just existing, we are meant to live making a difference.
At this point in my life, 40, a Mom, Wife, and Nana, I am pretty happy. Growing up was difficult but that prepared me for everything else that came later. I had to time to be weak, I had to be strong for everyone else. I have been married for over 21 years to the only man I have ever really loved, and even though it has not been easy, it has been worth it.
The relationship before this was a HUGE failure, we were “married” but it wasn’t a true marriage. He was VERY abusive towards me in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally. I actually met my current husband thru my ex, so what if I wouldn’t have stayed with my ex for as long as I did, I wouldn’t have met my only true love, nor would I have my kids, my grandson, or the life that I live now. The smallest things, lead to the best outcomes. I also truly believe that if I would have stayed in that abusive relationship he would’ve killed me by now. So thinking of all the things I would have missed out on tears me up…all the good things, the happy times, the memories that I would have missed is insane to me.
The slightest things make me say “what if”. We live right outside of Houston, which is the place that makes my soul feel at peace. This is my home, where I was meant to be all along. Obviously I had heard of Houston, but I had never been here until a vacation opportunity arose in 2011. Even then, I tried to get out of coming here because I didn’t think we had the money at the time. My best friend wouldn’t let me back out of the vacation for anything, and now I am SO thankful for that. We came down for a week and even before I got out of the car, I looked at my husband and told him that this was the place we were moving so get ready. LOL! He really thought I was kidding, but 11 months later, after researching the area every day, we moved and it was the best decision of our lives. We have had the best times here in Texas, we have grown in every way. The feeling of pure bliss within my soul every time I realize where we are, is priceless. We have lived all over the country but this is where my heart and soul feel like the most at peace. But, what if we wouldn’t have came on vacation? I would have spent the rest of my life searching for a place and a peace in my heart that I never would have been able to silence. Just thinking of that makes my anxiety go thru the roof. The lost feeling, the feeling of never fitting in anywhere, the feeling of being lonely, or the feeling of always searching for something you never find s hard enough to deal with but not understanding why you feel that way is even harder. You never really quite understand why you feel this way so you don’t know how to stop it. That is the worst.